DOUBLE CROSSING

I was having the time of my life. I'm in a new school. I met a lot of good friends. I have created a very good reputation as a student. And to top it off, I have a very wonderful lovelife with my Baby Jeff. We were so happy and contented in our relationship. Until a storm tested the foundation of our relationship. It was in 2004 when I got so close to this guy. We were schoolmates so it is not so hard to find time for us. He knew that I was in a relationship so I cannot commit into another relationship. But he has been so patient and before I knew it, we were already dating (good as an item, as you would call it). Of course it was wrong! Before, it was so easy for me to point a finger to someone who has been cheating on there partners until it happenned to me. With my full knowledge, I knew that it was wrong to do that. Unfair to Jeff and unfair to the other one. I've tried to fight the feelings. I have tried to keep what I really feel but it just bursted and everything was put into a mess. I will not rationalize what i have committed. Cheating by nature is bad and it cannot be morally justified. It was not morally accepted. It is not just. And it does not conform with the standards set by the society. A lot has been said after that. B*tch? User? Have your say! I don't give a sh*t! I did not intentionally do that. Why would I do that if I have a stable relationship? Did I do that just to have an extra in case the tire gets flat? Oh common! Don't give me that sh*t! I did not want to hurt anybody in this case. But I did. I have hurt the person that I'm supposed to love the most and really I am sorry. I'm really thankful to Jeff for giving me another chance. Maybe it was not easy to bring back what we really have before but I am so grateful that he gave me a chance and he was helping me to save the relationship.
I think the first step to take after you committed a mistake is to be strong enough to admit it that you did it. You cannot hide from the judgment of people around you. In my case, I had my fair share of those painful words but what can I do? I have failed there expectations and they reacted in a violent manner. I was expecting Jeff to be the one who would say mean things about me. But he did not. Those who are not close to me, most of them I don't really know personally were the ones who were spreading nasty rumors about me. I have admitted the fact that I committted something stupid. I have acknowledge that the feelings have been developed, that it was real and "WE" really existed. And from there I have learned to stand up, pick up the pieces again, and now I am regaining the composure I lost when that incident happenned. I know that this created an image that is opposite of the one I wanted to project. I don't know why it happenned but surely in the end, it will make me a better person. I am leaving the past now but with me I carry all the lessons that it gave me. The painful ones are those that have deeply wounded my heart but it has the greatest weight in terms of lessons learned.
It has been almost two years. I am still with Jeff. We still have some misunderstandings but we managed to solve it. I am really thankful to him. He has been there for me all the way. He never say anything nasty about me. Despite all the pain that I have given him, he is still a gentleman who treats me right, who respects me, and I am still thankful that I am still the girl he wants to spend his lifetime with. I love you BHEE!
*Just a piece of advice to those who are in a relationship...try not to fall with other people. Or if you can't help it, break free with your current partner first before attempting to cross the bounderies of friendship. In these way, you'll prevent hurting a lot of people and you'll save yourself from the ill judgment of people around you. I guess it really happens. You are in a relationship, you are happy but someone will come and you start to question yourself: "Am I really happy?", "Is he really the one?", "What if I try a new relationship?" I 'll leave the decisions to you. Just go with the one that will truly makes you happy. Choose the person who would stay even if things get worst. Go with the one who treats you right and respects you for who you are. You would not want to regret things later, would you? =)